It's wierd...
I still think of him - quite often in fact.  K asked me if I was still sad - to which I answered, "Yes"... because that is the truth.  I am still sad.  Not pathetic and wailing - just dispirited about it all.  I am getting out and working, hanging out with friends and going out - but just to be social.  It's neither irrelevant or relevant.   It is neither significant or insignificant... It just IS.

I do think of him often - with great fodness.  Nostalgic, really.  Reminicent.  Like a memory that is getting further away every time I conjour it up in my mind.  I don't think about his last goodbye - I think of his first "hello".  I smile and my heart will slightly ache - but I am not crippled by it anymore.  Not like I was initially.

I hold him close to me.  Knowing that we once had really great times together.  My days were made more special knowing that I would be in his company.  Knowing that, at some point, I would get to see him face to face.

I know I could not see him face to face without it killing me.  I saw him across a packed arena - a basketball game ... I know his seat number and I saw him there amidst 20,000 others.  That was hard.  It was the first time I physically saw him since the good-bye and I did have to go to the ladies room to pull myself together.  There were hundreds of feet and thousands of people that separated us - but I knew he was there and I knew where to see him.  I just remember my heart crushing and my eyes filling with their tears - an all too common occurance when I think of &$^#.   I looked to Lisa who was sitting next to me and said, "I have to go to the ladies room" and discretely slinked away.  Nobody was the wiser.