Alright my beauties - understand this clearly... This is candid and there will be words used that some of you should not be reading. If you cannot handle this, please leave now.
He said good-bye on a Tuesday... This is the aftermath.







Dec 30, 2004
Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Want to hear something truly pathetic?  In a vague attempt to help myself feel a little better, I went to the hairdresser.  The whole time I was getting my haircut, every time a door opened and I heard a guy's voice - I wondered if it was him.  I knew it wasn't ever going to be - but my heart would skip anyway... HOW PATHETIC AM I?????

In an effort to compound upon my patheticism... I have decided to drink a lot and listen to sad music.  Here is choice number one...


What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word


Thank you Elton John - now pass me another beer.  This is going to be a long, depressing night.



Posted at 05:00 pm by breakupgirl
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It's been two days...

It's been two days since he looked me in the eyes and told me that he could not see me anymore.  I cannot describe how I feel with any great accuracy.  One minute I think I may survive when the next minute I just want to curl up and die.  I physically hurt from this.  Never in my life have I felt this awful, depressed, tragic...
My heart actually hurts!  It is as if I can feel it shattering and then falling into my empty soul.

I love him and he does not want to be with me.


My mother says that this is only temporary, that someday it will all get better - with time.  I know that she means well but right now I just don't see it.  I just do not see how this could ever get any better.  I don't forsee a future without any pain.  In my mind, I know that it is possible - but in my heart... I just cannot imagine it.

I just keep replaying moments we had together in my mind.  I keep seeing his expressive eyes, his welcoming smile.  I feel his comforting arms only to realize it is only my imagination.

Will this pain ever end?  Do I want it to?

I want to talk to him - but I can't.  His number is still first in my cell phone.  His AIM ID is still logged onto my list - I know he's around and it is absolutely killing me that I cannot talk to him.

I went to the coffee shop last night.  The very one I would meet him at.  The very one that he called it off at.  I went there last night.  Why?  Why do I torture myself?  Common sense would have told me to go somewhere else - but, I didn't.  I just kept looking at the table where he told me good-bye... there was a happier couple sitting there instead.

I miss touching his hands.

I still have the dried, dead flower that he gave me at a lunch date.  So sweet - it now lies on my dashboard as a symbol.  It looks just as dead as my heart feels.  Whithered and rotting.

These wounds are so fresh.

I miss his kiss.

I have not turned on my phone for two days.

I miss his voice.

I just listen to my headphones and speak to no one.  I am sure my anti-social stance says it all.

The trying thing is that I have to still exist in society.  I have to still work and talk to people everyday when all I want to do is stay in my bed and cry.  I have to interact with them and it is so false... my daily life has become an academy award winning performance.  Standing in the line to get my vehicle registered is so difficult.  I just want to cry, wail, and scream all at once... all while being comforted by him.


I'm empty without him.  Will this ever get better?

This pain sucks.  This life sucks.  The day sucks. 

I miss everything about him - he was my air.. and now I cannot breathe.

Posted at 09:09 am by breakupgirl
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